She Didn't Die Alone

I could never get into soap operas. I always felt like I could do a better acting job than what I saw during those shows and that turned me off to them. I guess now the concept of soap operas is being replaced with cooking shows and reality TV.

I have memories of my mom, who was a stay at home mom, cross stitching and watching a couple of soaps while at least one of us kids was taking a nap or playing quietly amongst ourselves. It was her down time.

I realized a few weeks ago that I was kind of turning into my mother.

I watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy lately. I wouldn't call it a soap opera, but it's drama. I used to watch religiously, but haven't in a long time. Since beening on maternity leave I've discovered it's on three hours straight during the week. This is what I did when Baby G naps in the afternoon (if he did at all). Grey's Anatomy and blog catch up. That is how I spent my down time.

There were a lot of episodes dealing with babies. Those have always gotten to me. And they get to me even more since my miscarriage.

And there was a theme during the last couple of episodes I watched: dying alone.

"No one should have to die alone."

When those words were uttered during one episode they struck a chord in me. I thought of the baby girl I lost last year. I don't know why, as those words were meant for people roaming the Earth, but I did. And I realized something I hadn't thought about before.

My baby didn't die alone.

She died while she was still inside me, literally a part of me. The whole time she was inside of me I was taking care of her. Even during those few weeks I didn't know she had passed away.

No, she didn't die alone. I was with her the whole time.