My mom would often tell us it was best for one of the parents to stay home. Listening to that growing up just enforced my desire to stay home when I had a baby.
But you need money to do that. And I always knew I would never marry rich.
Sure, if you trim expenses and spend only what is absolutely necessary, then it is doable.
But that isn't the case with Hubby and I. Northern Virginia is not the best place for a one income household.
Even my dad worked two jobs to make sure my mom could stay home. A day job and a night job. The night job was his own business, teaching computer coding and resume building in our basement weeknights and some weekends. Needless to say, even when my dad was home we didn't see much of him.
Mom also sold some craft work on the side. It was something she could do while my siblings and I were at school and she could finish up by the time we got home from school.
So, really, at one point it took three incomes for my mom to stay home with us.
I look back on all this now that I am an adult, and wonder if it was worth it?
My dad had to live in the DC Metro area for work. But in order to make sure we had a mom to care for us 24/7, who would keep us from being latchkey kids, he was never really around. He worked during the day and his business was a one man show. He didn't have employees to delegate to.
Do I want someone else taking care of my kids? No. But do I want them to be able to spend time with their dad? Definitely.
I had The Talk with my boss about my plan for coming back to work. I have heard from friends that this isn't an easy conversation to have. It's not.
Not that I'm scared of my supervisors. Not at all! They are all quite lovely and are some of the best I've ever had. But I knew my plan for coming back wouldn't sit well with other employees and I was scared that because of that I wouldn't get what I think is best for my family when it is time to go back to work.
I recently acquired at-home access to my work computer. It was given to me for emergency purposes. Like if I had to stay home with a sick child.
But Hubby and I have talked about our child care plan. Which is, my parents. We are so grateful they are willing to take care of Baby G. We are saving a ton of money because of it and they will have the chance to spend time with their grandson.
My parents aren't super old, but the idea of them taking care of a baby for 40+ hours a week makes us a little uneasy. We've wondered, What if its too much for them?
So I asked if I could work from home one day a week so my parents didn't feel like they were being thrown back to 1987.
I got the yes, but it wasn't a very confident one. I think, deep down, I was expecting my boss to waive me off and say do whatever you want, just get your work done. She kind of did. She said I have the ability to work from home, and it was fine with her. But she was mostly concerned with how other people in the office would feel about it.
And I totally understand. Many of them are new parents, struggling with the insane cost of child care in this area, and would love the chance to be able to work from home too. I'd be jealous and slightly upset if I wasn't given the same opportunity.
Hubby is starting to insist that we look further into a day care just in case my parents decide that 4-5 days a week with a baby is too much for them, or if I realize that trying to work an eight hour day isn't possible when I'm home with a newborn. I hope it's not.
Hopefully once we move into a bigger place Hubby and I will have a better understanding of what we can afford - if it's me cutting my hours to 24-32 per week or being able to pull off becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM), or even splitting child care between my parents and a day care.
I go back to work in a week and a half. Now that Baby G is more talkative and is smiling for real
now, I'm finding it even more difficult to think of the idea of going back to work.
But you need money to do that. And I always knew I would never marry rich.
Sure, if you trim expenses and spend only what is absolutely necessary, then it is doable.
But that isn't the case with Hubby and I. Northern Virginia is not the best place for a one income household.
Even my dad worked two jobs to make sure my mom could stay home. A day job and a night job. The night job was his own business, teaching computer coding and resume building in our basement weeknights and some weekends. Needless to say, even when my dad was home we didn't see much of him.
Mom also sold some craft work on the side. It was something she could do while my siblings and I were at school and she could finish up by the time we got home from school.
So, really, at one point it took three incomes for my mom to stay home with us.
I look back on all this now that I am an adult, and wonder if it was worth it?
My dad had to live in the DC Metro area for work. But in order to make sure we had a mom to care for us 24/7, who would keep us from being latchkey kids, he was never really around. He worked during the day and his business was a one man show. He didn't have employees to delegate to.
Do I want someone else taking care of my kids? No. But do I want them to be able to spend time with their dad? Definitely.
I had The Talk with my boss about my plan for coming back to work. I have heard from friends that this isn't an easy conversation to have. It's not.
Not that I'm scared of my supervisors. Not at all! They are all quite lovely and are some of the best I've ever had. But I knew my plan for coming back wouldn't sit well with other employees and I was scared that because of that I wouldn't get what I think is best for my family when it is time to go back to work.
I recently acquired at-home access to my work computer. It was given to me for emergency purposes. Like if I had to stay home with a sick child.
But Hubby and I have talked about our child care plan. Which is, my parents. We are so grateful they are willing to take care of Baby G. We are saving a ton of money because of it and they will have the chance to spend time with their grandson.
My parents aren't super old, but the idea of them taking care of a baby for 40+ hours a week makes us a little uneasy. We've wondered, What if its too much for them?
So I asked if I could work from home one day a week so my parents didn't feel like they were being thrown back to 1987.
I got the yes, but it wasn't a very confident one. I think, deep down, I was expecting my boss to waive me off and say do whatever you want, just get your work done. She kind of did. She said I have the ability to work from home, and it was fine with her. But she was mostly concerned with how other people in the office would feel about it.
And I totally understand. Many of them are new parents, struggling with the insane cost of child care in this area, and would love the chance to be able to work from home too. I'd be jealous and slightly upset if I wasn't given the same opportunity.
Hubby is starting to insist that we look further into a day care just in case my parents decide that 4-5 days a week with a baby is too much for them, or if I realize that trying to work an eight hour day isn't possible when I'm home with a newborn. I hope it's not.
Hopefully once we move into a bigger place Hubby and I will have a better understanding of what we can afford - if it's me cutting my hours to 24-32 per week or being able to pull off becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM), or even splitting child care between my parents and a day care.
I go back to work in a week and a half. Now that Baby G is more talkative and is smiling for real
now, I'm finding it even more difficult to think of the idea of going back to work.
Those are tough questions that I hope you can find some answers for. Hopefully working from home one day a week will turn out really well for you. I wish all moms could stay at home for the first 2 years of our babies lives for FREE and have expenses paid. That would be SO beneficial for everyone!
ReplyDeleteIt would be very beneficial! If you read about what happens the first year or two of a baby's life, it makes so much sense for parents to stay home.
DeleteHey I came across your blog through 5QF and saw this post. I hope that the decision you and your hubby have made leaves you at peace more than stirs everything up. My hubs and I just had our fisrt baby in March as well and are making huge sacrifices for me to be a SAHM. Either way, sacrifices have to be made and you have to be at peace with what you decide. If you're like me, you will wrestle with it. I wrestle with our decision for me to quit work so I can SAH and him to work 2 jobs.
ReplyDeleteJust remember either way, as long as you give your child everything you have and make sacrifices so they are cared for, corrected lovingly, and loved unconditionally, you're being a great mom. You can't make up for the time you don't have; make the most of the time you're given - it's what my hubby has to do with our daughter and she still smiles at him and needs to be held by him the same as she asks of me, who is with her 24/7. I can't fathom having to make the sacrifice you are, but if you relish in the moments given I can almost guarantee your child will remember that and not the moments you weren't there :)
Thank you so much! I'm definitely going to be cherishing all the moments I have with Baby G even more when I go back to work on Wednesday!
DeleteHi from ICLW. DH and I are also coming to terms with the fact that I won't be able to be a full-time SAHM. You're very lucky to have your parents around - I hope things work out well for you!
ReplyDelete