Non-Pregnant Person PSA

I was up at 6:00am one morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I did what I normally do these days -- grab my phone and read pregnancy message boards, get my daily updates on what my pregnant self can expect for both me and the baby, stalk people on Facebook, and catch up on blog reading.

This particular morning I came across this lovely gem that one of my sister-in-laws posted:

Some of you dog lovers can probably relate. I love dogs, but I found myself relating to it in a totally different way.

Maybe it was the fact I just read about a woman venting about random people touching her belly and all the relateable responses she received. Maybe my brain is so focused on being pregnant I'm trying to put a pregnant spin on everything. Or maybe I'm just weird (which I won't dispute). But as I was reading that cute little gem, I found myself thinking, that's how I feel as a pregnant lady. (Minus being a dog. And being on a leash.)

All of a sudden the wheels in my brain started turning. I had to create a spin on this. NOW!

So ladies and gents, this is what I came up with two hours later, while I may or may not have been at work. I'm not so fluent with graphic design, so I apologize for my very primitive Pregnant Lady rendition. I wanted to try and get this all on one file and simply cut and paste it into this entry, and I probably could, but I haven't had the energy to really fool around with it. Scanning my pictures and making them colorful is enough for me at the moment.

A Message From: Pregnant Ladies of the World

To: Everyone Else

  

• The person on the left is a Non-Pregnant Person (friendly and always means well)
• The lovely lady on the right is a Pregnant Lady (magnet for attention whether it's wanted or not)

• Some Non-Pregnant People have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. It doesn't matter if they know the Pregnant Lady or not. 
• Some Pregnant Ladies are uncomfortable with this, but are just as uncomfortable saying so. It doesn't matter if they know the Non-Pregnant Person or not.

• Non-Pregnant People tend to ask a lot of questions and give seemingly helpful advice.
• Some pregnant ladies may simply smile and nod, but not say what she is actually thinking.

• After a while the touching and the questions and the advice giving and the opinions may make Pregnant Lady snap. Sometimes they'll confuse the shit out of the Non-Pregnant Person by turning the tables on them and touch their belly and ask them questions. 

Pregnant Ladies tend to have a number of hormones running through them. This makes them very emotional -- and not always in the "I'm going to cry over everything that happens" way. No. If you happen to be unwanted person number 1,355,992 to touch her belly and give her advice or opinions, you may find yourself in a situation such as this:

Pregnant Ladies are good people, just like you. They may not want to socialize with you, but they have every right to walk around in public and show off their baby bump without fear of people touching them and giving unsolicited advice and opinions. They do not want to yell or cause a scene in public. They do not want their feelings hurt or act inappropriately or rudely towards anyone. So, Non-Pregnant People of the World, keep in mind the following:

Please: before you touch, ask. Don't be offended if we tell you we do not want to be touched and DO NOT touch us anyway. That's disrespectful. Some of us are not the touchy-feely type -- even if we know you.  

Please: think before you speak. Telling us we look big or asking us if we are carrying multiples only makes us feel fat and deflates whatever confidence we have left as we develop swollen ankles, waddles, and stretch marks. Some of us have a hard time dealing with getting bigger and don't have a lot of confidence to begin with. Since you have no way of knownig how much confidence a women has, play it safe. Don't be a dick -- tell us we look great!

Please: keep your opinions to yourself. Or better yet, don't ask questions if there is a chance you won't like the answer. Some of these include: asking us about our birth plan, asking us about our feeding preference, and asking us what we'll name the baby. You won't be able to hide the disgusted look on your face if you don't like our answer and you may not be able to keep your opinion on how we "should" handle the situation to yourself. This hurts our feelings and might start an argument you didn't intend to start. Remember, this is OUR baby and we'll be bringing it into this world and raising it as we see fit.

Please: don't over share. If we ask you a question about your personal experience, that probably means we want to know. But telling us about how horrific your labor was or how sleep deprived you were after your baby was born only freaks us out when it's done at random.


So there you have it. My PSA on how to act around a pregnant lady. I know not everyone feels the same as me. There are some women out there who crave the attention, want the belly rubs from everyone they walk by, and are so confident in their sexy pregnant selves that they can let the off-handed comments and opinions roll off their backs. I'm not one of those women. I'm slide #2. I'll smile and nod, but inside I'm giving you a good what-for and possibly a slap in the face. Then I'll get online to blog about your obnoxious behavior for all to read.