As I scoured the store for cute clothes, I found myself becoming increasingly jealous of all the mannequins set up in the store. Those plastic, headless models showing off all sorts of cute clothes that looked so cute with little second trimester size baby bumps. I don't think I have ever compared my body to a mannequin's before. I look at regular ones and think, your size negative two waist makes you look anorexic and that isn't cool. But for some reason these pregnant mannequins were different. Different because I know I had a cute baby bump the same size as theirs at one point. I actually found these lifeless models relatable.
As I was waiting for my friend to pay for her purchases I also noticed that the models in the posters hanging around the store didn't look third trimester pregnant either. Just like the mannequins, they sported cute second trimester bumps and looked awesome in their flowey shirts and cute dresses. I began to wonder, Why aren't there models that have huge ass bellies like mine? And, Why aren't there clothes that fit third trimester bellies? What, am I supposed to stop caring about what I look like at this point? At this point in pregnancy women are having baby showers. I'm sorry, but I want to look cute at these parties. I don't want to roll up in my sweats because that is all I have left to wear. The cute things I tried on fit my chest but were feeling too tight around the belly. The belly that is still going to grow, and grow, and grow over the next nine weeks. I wanted to cry in frustration, just like I usually do whenever I go clothes shopping now, because what fits me today may not fit next week and pregnancy clothes aren't cheap enough to make a habit of buying new things every few weeks.
Maybe I will start wearing sweat pants and my one and only well fitting pregnancy tank top (which is really more of a spandex-y undershirt) in order to feel comfortable and to avoid belly spillage. At least I'll have a happier temperament.
The good things to come out of my shopping spree were two new bras from Victoria's Secret. My boobs are no longer in between cup sizes now. I'm officially a D cup. I'm a girl who likes to show off her cleavage and the maternity/nursing bras, in addition to being uncomfortable, made me feel flat chested, despite my chest growth. I felt my boobs were actually shrinking when compared to my growing belly and I started feeling down about it. And they're currently the only place sprouting stretch marks. My boobs, which are the only things I can consider sexy on myself because I can push them in and up and show them off in low cut shirts, were bringing me down. You'd think my expanding belly would be bringing me down, but oddly enough I feel like I have gained a little bit of self confidence over that one. Just not sexy.
I didn't really want to spend $50 each on bras that I could possibly ruin with leakage, but I wanted to get some of my sexy back. Hubby gave me a gift card for Christmas to use towards clothes and bras and I did just that. And HOLY COW! Since the bras are push up my boobs look ginormous now. Even my mom made the comment today that my "breasts have really grown!" (That was a fun conversation to have with my dad in the room. I had to assure them both that the bra was doing most of the work.)
My clothes may be too tight and small, but I'm loving my boobs again!
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