First, I freak out over needles. I hate them. I've been in the hospital twice this year and have hated the IVs they've stuck in my hand. And have you seen the size of the needle they stick you with for the epidural? In my opinion it's huge and I personally do not want it going anywhere near me, especially my spine. And if medicine is going to be constantly given to me that way then they are actually sticking a tiny tube down my spine for an IV -- it's not simply a shot. All this gives me the heebie jeebies and there are times I want to cry thinking about it.
Second, the theory that walking and standing helps labor progress makes sense to me. I mean, gravity pulls objects down, so it's got to help make the baby come faster, right?
Third, epidurals keep you in bed. Which means I won't be able to get up if I feel like it and they're probably going to stick a catheter in me so I don't pee all over myself. I don't know what a catheter feels like while you're awake, but I know from having my D&C what it feels like after they take it out. It wasn't fun for me and, although I know there could be so much other stuff going on "down there" that I won't be able to tell what is post-catheter discomfort and what is post-birth pain, I would rather save myself some discomfort, however minimal.
So I've decided my birth wish is to labor as much as possible before getting an epidural or some other kind of drug to help me relax.
I've gotten a lot of resistance over this plan. Even the Baby Doctor made me feel like I was crazy, although I think she may have thought I was crazy for being scared of the epidural more than wanting to see how much I could do on my own.
Hubby thinks I'm completely out of my mind, but has agreed to let me do what I want. I'll admit I have only told him I don't want to be stuck in bed and I hate the idea of something being shoved down my spine -- I haven't tried explaining the possible side effects of the epidural to him because I think he'll probably tell me the risks outweigh the benefits of an epidural. The few other people that I've ventured to tell my plan to have been quick to tell me I need to get the epidural as soon as possible. What gets me is that a few of these people have never even been pregnant before. (Side note: if you've never been pregnant then you should really refrain from telling a pregnant woman what she should do when it comes to this subject.) I've been told I don't handle pain well and there is no way I'll be able to give birth without something.
My frustration with everyone's opinions on how I want my labor to go came to a head on Friday. It hit me that no one seemed to be hearing what I was actually saying. I haven't been saying, "I'm going for an all natural birth." I have been saying, "I'm going to see how far I can go before asking for drugs." I'm not saying I'm ruling out drugs completely. I'm saying I want to delay getting them.
There's a difference people!!
I don't plan on going into labor completely blind. I am fully aware that when the time comes anything goes and just because I want things to happen a certain way does not mean they will. Ultimately I want to birth a living, healthy baby and I would like to, you know, not die in the process. I'm fully aware that I could end up having a 10 pound baby and decide to have a scheduled c-section. I could stall at five centimeters and have to be given the dreaded pitocin (which I do not want to be given before the baby is born) to speed things up. My heart rate and my baby's heart rate could drop and I'll need an emergency c-section. Or I could go into labor and realize that labor sucks and I cannot do it without drugs.
Or I could go so far without drugs that I'll enter the point of no return and end up having an all natural birth. And that would be awesome.
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